We are performers, not punching bags: an unlikely misogyny post

Hey there.  I wish I were writing about the great time I had at my show last night, but unfortunately my night was briefly spoiled by a particular incident.

I had a show in Washington, DC last night.  The way the venue was set up; we had to change downstairs and the bathroom was upstairs.  I really had to use the bathroom, so I put on my shawl (since I had forgot my robe) and headed upstairs.  Keep in mind, I was already in full burlesque glitz.  My hair was big, my lips and eyes were sparkly.  In short; I looked like someone vomited glitter on me.   As I’m walking upstairs, this guy has his arm extended so I wasn’t able to get by.  Me, being a silly person, mimicked him and said “excuse me”.  He finally moves but as I walk by he ELBOWS me in my back.  I really had to pee so I shrugged it off, but in the bathroom I got really pissed about it.  When I came out, I shoved him into his friends and yelled “IF YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, I WILL TAKE YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF”.  Did I overreact?  Maybe.  Did it get the point across?  Absolutely.   5 minutes later he comes down and gives me some shpeal about how his parents raised him better, and he didn’t know why he did it and he was so sorry.  He asked could he buy me a drink, so I walked over with him and made him buy me jaeger bombs and shots of Firefly.  In the end, he had a $50 bar tab in drinks just for me.


Apparently his group of friends (who were half female) told him it’d be fine, and not to come down and say anything and would “probably give [him] shit” when he came up.  My question is; what fucking world do we live in where females think it’s okay for their male friends to act that way?  I guarantee if it were one of them, they’d be pissed.  Maybe it was my “cheap” glitter, or my “tacky” fishnet stockings that made it okay for them to disregard the fact that I was assaulted in front of a group of people.  I was embarrassed and left speechless, while they laughed at me walking to the bathroom.  I was laughed at as I defended myself, and probably called a few names by people who do not know me because THEIR FRIEND acted like an asshole.  I’m a fucking burlesque performer, not a prostitute.  Even if I were a prostitute, you don’t treat ANYONE like that who didn’t do anything to you.

Between cosplay and burlesque, I am unfortunately used to judging comments both online and by people who don’t understand why I perform.  I have developed a very thick skin, however when it goes from just words to physically putting your hands on me, I draw the line.  I think what I was most surprised about was the fact these women in this group at this bar, in their low cut blouses and tight pants, thought that I was so beneath them that it was a MISTAKE for their friend to try and make amends.  I am sick and tired of women being their own worst enemy.  It breaks my heart to see women tearing down other women.  This incident spoke volumes for me in terms of everything I have been reading and  am seeing with my own eyes.  When a woman looks at another woman, you shouldn’t see a slut, a nerd, a bitch, a prude.  You should see a woman.  Women are what we are, but as long as we keep treating each other as less than, we will continue to be seen as such by men.

2 responses to “We are performers, not punching bags: an unlikely misogyny post”

  1. My God this is horrible. That anyone would think it’s okay for you to be physically assaulted……and if they have such low opinions of the art of burlesque then why the hell are they at the show?

    I’m so sorry this happened.

    1. There were two parts to the bar. One part was for the show and the other was for regular patrons but we had to go through the other bar to get to the bathroom. That’s where I encountered Mr. Douchebag.

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